I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
