Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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