Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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