I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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