You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
