So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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