I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
