the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
