I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
