and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
