That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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