Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
