my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
