If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
