Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
