If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
is wine microwaveable?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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