I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
