Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
