he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
