People with herpes should wear stickers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i've created a new STD.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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