it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
