he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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