she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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