I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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