YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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