So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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