Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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