Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
