he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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