my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
