Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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