Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
