Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
