Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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