I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
