Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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