Welp...herpes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
