it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
