You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
