I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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