So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
