So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
