you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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