i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
