I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
