On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
