turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
