My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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