I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
