One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
