My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
